CascadiaCurrent

Guides 227 views Posted 12/24/2023 0 comments

Welcome to the holidays in Washington, where the evergreen trees are as abundant as political correctness, and the drizzle is as constant as the stream of campaign promises. It's a time for family, friends, and of course, navigating the minefield of political conversations that are sure to erupt at any holiday gathering.

A Snarky Survival Guide for the Season

Welcome to the holidays in Washington, where the evergreen trees are as abundant as political correctness, and the drizzle is as constant as the stream of campaign promises. It's a time for family, friends, and of course, navigating the minefield of political conversations that are sure to erupt at any holiday gathering.

Here's your handy guide to surviving the political season in Washington state:

1. Know your audience.
   Is your uncle a Bernie Bro who thinks Tim Eyman is the messiah? Or is your grandma a dyed-in-the-wool Boeing supporter who believes Jay Inslee is a secret socialist? Tailor your political takes accordingly. Pro tip: If you're not sure where someone stands, just avoid mentioning anything about I-1639 or Initiative 940. Those are guaranteed conversation starters (andenders).
2. Embrace the passive-aggressive approach.
   A subtle eye roll or a well-timed sigh can be far more effective than a heated debate. Remember, in Washington, we like our conflict like we like our coffee: lukewarm and slightly acidic.
3. Master the art of the non-committal answer.
   When asked about your thoughts on the latest political scandal, perfect the art of the vague and meaningless response. Phrases like "It's a complex issue" and "I'm not sure I have all the facts" are your friends.
4. Find common ground.
   Even the most die-hard Democrats and Republicans can agree on one thing: Washington is pretty darn beautiful. So, if the conversation gets heated, just redirect everyone's attention to the stunning scenery outside. Bonus points if you can spot a bald eagle or a pod of orcas.
5. Remember, it's just politics.
   At the end of the day, it's just a bunch of people arguing about how to run the state. Don't let it ruin your eggnog. Take a deep breath, remember that you're all in this together, and maybe offer to do the dishes.

Bonus round:
For the truly adventurous, you can try to slip in a few political jokes. But be warned, Washingtonians have a notoriously high tolerance for bad puns. So, unless you're prepared for some groans and eye rolls, maybe stick to the safe topics.

With a little bit of preparation and a whole lot of patience, you can survive the holidays in Washington state without losing your mind (or your temper). Just remember, it's all about keeping things light, finding common ground, and enjoying the company of your loved ones, even if they do vote for the other guy.

Happy holidays from all of us here at the Department of Snarky Commentary and Political Satire!

I hope this gives you a bit of a laugh and helps you navigate the sometimes-crazy world of Washington state politics. Remember, the holidays are a time for joy, family, and maybe a little bit of gentle ribbing. So, relax, have some fun, and try not to take things too seriously. After all, it's just politics.